All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
