1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
