Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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