dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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