do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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