Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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