im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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