you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
