Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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