it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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