I think scott just propositioned me for sex
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
