Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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