I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
