imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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