So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Fuck appropriateness.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
