I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
