I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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