I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
