I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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