I could have mohawked her pubes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize