I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
