doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
