You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
