this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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