she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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