I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
