yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You're like the curious george of whores
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
