Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
