so let's talk penis.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
