No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
