If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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