well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize