You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
