its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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