At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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