I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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