Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
