Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
