Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
