well you can't waste a boner
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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