Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize