He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Help. Why am I so naked?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
