How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There r osticjed everywhere
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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