I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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