I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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