Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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