i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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