There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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