what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
