threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
