The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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