fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
