in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
