I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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