I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
