we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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