Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
