Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
