3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
