I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
