so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
