I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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