Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
